Healing

Hydration

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Our bodies are constantly using and losing water! Even while we sleep water is especially being used to power our immune system and metabolism to carry out all types of cellular processes. Water has a profound impact on your brain because your brain is made up of mostly water. Even being slightly dehydrated can negatively impact the function of your brain such as lack of focus, fatigue, poor memory, and a reduced ability to have sharp and clear thinking. It plays a huge part in aging and our risk for chronic disease!

Did you know that 99% of the molecules in your body are water?

Water as an overall percentage is about 50 to 70 percent of your body weight.  Your blood is 85% water, your muscle is 80% water, your brain is 75% water and even your bones are 25% water which shows the importance water plays in your health.

Your body needs water for blood circulation, metabolism, regulation of body temperature and waste toxin removal.  Hydration is not just about intake but also the most important way to detoxify and get rid of waste through the skin by sweating, through the stool and through urine. This is something that should be happening on a consistent basis to be optimally healthy.  

Water carries energy and responds to it. That is why staying hydrated is the number one key to optimal health.  The key is to get the water into the cell! Ultimately you have indicators to tell if your mood, performance, and cognitive function will suffer.

  • Your level of thirst can be a day to day guide although if you are thirsty it is already too late. If you feel fatigue and brain fog this can be the first easy indicator you are dehydrated. When you are dehydrated your brain actually shrinks in size and your neurons require water to fire and communicate and that system (the glymphatic system needs water) just losing 1 to 2 % of water can affect the brain’s ability to function. If it is not getting enough water it can not communicate with the rest of the body.
  • The color of your urine can be influenced by medications, supplements but overall if it is deep dark yellow you are likely not drinking enough water.

Although the color of your urine does not necessarily translate to the amount of intracellular water and hydration, it is one easy indicator to follow.  Pale, light yellow urine is key, along with the volume of your urine. If you are not urinating every 2 ½ to 3 hours when you are awake, you are not drinking enough. 

PROPER HYDRATION IS  MORE THAN DRINKING WATER! You absolutely need electrolytes (sodium, magnesium, potassium and calcium to be able to bring water into the cell. On average  we are at least 60% water and 40% of that is inside of our cells.  Water helps to keep our cell shape and structure, it’s where almost every metabolic process takes place. So when we drink water all day long but there is not a proper electrolyte balance, it will not get into our cells and that is crucial for actual hydration.  

One way to avoid nighttime bathroom trips is to “frontload” the majority of your water in the morning and avoid doing anything but sipping as needed a few hours before bed.   

Try at least in the morning to front load your water and make sure to add electrolytes to it.

Easy Ways to Stay hydrated:

  • We should eat more plant foods to stay hydrated such as green leafy vegetables,green juices, cucumbers, celery, watermelon, and berries have a lot of water content! Cucumbers are 96% water.  You can also have 1 to 2 Tablespoons Chia seeds. When placed in water they form a gel around them which helps to maintain hydration longer.Eating foods like these are in the purest form and the water is driven into the cell.
  • Avoid sugar and glucose increasing products.  For example sports drinks and electrolytes packets that have sugar are dehydrating. You also have to add back more water when drinking caffeine or alcohol.
  • On average the baseline of how much water you need daily is approximately 50% of your body weight in ounces of water. For example if you weigh 160 pounds, your water needs are in the range of 80 ounces a day. This will be increased with intense exercise or being out on a hot day. 

Hydration Protocol:

  1. When you first wake up, start drinking 16 ounces of filtered water and add ¼ teaspoon of  Redman’s Real salt electrolytes before you have any caffeine. You can do this more than once.
  2. Drink 16 more ounces with lemon overtime in-between meals so that you do not dilute your digestive process taking place with food.  
  3. You can then focus on the listed hydrating foods and continue to drink the balance of your remaining water throughout the day.
  4. Exercise and movement transfer the water around in your tissues due to fascia working as a hydraulic pump. 

Please message me on social media, visit my website www.kimshackleford.com or email me at kimshacknutrition@gmail.com if you need help! 

#drinkingwater #nutritionaltherapy # detoxification #lymphaticsystem #holistichealth #holistichealthandwellness  #healing #healthylifestyle #healthyliving #wellness #hydration #purewater #cellularhydration #hydrate #drinkwater #minerals #electrolytes #drinkmorewater

Recent Trends in Sex and Love Addiction in Women

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sex and love addiction bull city psychotherapy

Less Sex, More Love Addiction in Women

An article by Kate Julian in The Atlantic titled “The Sex Recession” takes a thorough look at the recent trends of folks having less sex.  I found this to be a fascinating piece with a misleading title because, while people are reporting less sex (intercourse), other sexual behaviors are booming.  It reminded me of conversations I’ve had with many clients – particularly female sex and love addicts – who identify with the following trends Ms. Julian noted in her article including:
  • huge increases in frequency of masturbation
  • hook-up culture is diminishing peoples’ social skills for relationship building, and this discomfort leads people to perceive flirting behaviors as creepy/threatening rather than attractive/flattering
  • sex is physically painful as people attempt to replicate pornography – which is increasingly their primary source of sexual education and experience
  • economic pressures and helicopter parents are pushing autonomy, marriage, and sex later into adulthood for many young adults

There are many implications of these trends.  But what struck me was the pain of the female sex and love addict that I commonly come across.  She is disappointed in the partners she’s finding because they are socially and sexually stunted.  They mislead her about what they want in the relationship and what they are capable of, and this is partially a result of her unrealistic expectations and fantasies for the future.

She is disappointed in herself because she can’t seem to break the cycle of hooking up with these people.  When one of the hook-ups does lead to a longer relationship, the initial fantasy of their potential is intoxicating.  But the high wears off and it ultimately ends in pain because she was looking for things they couldn’t provide.  She was hoping they could be a thoughtful, considerate intimate partner and they weren’t ready to be that.  She was also looking to their relationship to validate her worth and fill a void of fulfillment and purpose in her life – and that is always a losing proposition.  To soothe the pain and the loneliness she turns to what she knows – pornography and hook-ups – and the cycle continues.

The good news is we can break the cycle and form a new one.  We can help folks learn new patterns, new ways of identifying and selecting intimate partners, and new ways of taking care of themselves both inside and outside of their intimate relationships.  Enhancing their understanding of sexuality, boundaries, accountability, and integrity allows people to take back control of their lives.  The resources and groups we provide help them feel less alone on their journey.  If any of the above experiences sound like you or someone you know, reach out to us.  We’ll help get you on a path to breaking the cycles that aren’t working for you.

 Who’s in charge: You or your feelings?

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universal emotions, bull city psychotherapy

Quick Hits:
– There are 6 basic emotions that are consistent across all intersections of humanity.
– We are likely to feel all of them, to some degree, each day.
– For optimum wellness, think of emotions as data rather than states of being.
– Let your emotions stay with you for a healthy amount of time.

Did you know there are six universal emotions?  This idea is related to the research of Paul Ekman who studied humans across diverse demographic intersections and determined that there are six emotions that we all feel and express in the same ways.  They are:

  1. Joy (Sometimes referred to as ‘Happiness’) – symbolized by raising of the mouth corners (an obvious smile) and tightening of the eyelids
  2. Surprise – symbolized by eyebrows arching, eyes opening wide and exposing more white, with the jaw dropping slightly
  3. Sadness – symbolized by lowering of the mouth corners, the eyebrows descending to the inner corners and the eyelids drooping
  4. Anger – symbolized by eyebrows lowering, lips pressing firmly and eyes bulging
  5. Disgust – symbolized by the upper lip raising, nose bridge wrinkling and cheeks raising
  6. Fear – symbolized by the upper eyelids raising, eyes opening and the lips stretching horizontally

https://www.kairos.com/blog/the-universally-recognized-facial-expressions-of-emotion

I have found this research to be helpful as it has informed the way I think about emotions.  If there are six universal emotions that, as a human being, I’m going to feel to some degree each day, then I can be intentional about how I let them in and out of my life.  Here’s what I mean…

Too often we let our emotions dictate our behaviors without a second thought.  We talk about them and treat them as states of being, saying something like, “I’m angry”.  My experience is that it is more useful to us to view emotions as data, rather than states of being.

By doing this, “I’m angry” becomes “I’m feeling anger.”  With this data, we can notice emotions, process the information they are giving us, and make a choice about how they inform our behavior, rather than giving emotions the power to influence our behavior without consideration and/or for an unhealthy amount of time.

Here’s an example: I’m feeling angry with my partner for not helping with the kids/housework last night.  If I recognize this anger as data, I give myself a good chance of effectively problem-solving in this situation.  I would likely be able to have a conversation with my partner about how I was feeling, why I was feeling that way, and what we could do to avoid that in the future.

If I treat that anger as a state of being, rather than data, I might let it in my life for an unhealthy amount of time.  If I hang on to that anger for too long I could ruin hours or days of my life resenting my partner without taking any productive action to improve the situation.  If I ignore the data, or disallow it in my life for the right amount of time, my resentment will likely build and I am less likely to protect my needs and healthy boundaries in this relationship.  But, if I let it inform me to a healthy extent, I can advocate for my needs without damaging the relationship or my feelings about them for myself.

Basically I’m suggesting that our emotions come into and out of our lives for the purpose of informing us.  We should be mindful about letting them in our lives for the appropriate amount of time, and then letting them leave.  We should not let them stay for too little or too long of a time.

More severe events in our lives, like a loss of life, break-up, or trauma naturally have longer stays in our lives.  The data they provide take a longer time to process and inform our behaviors.  But, as Ekman’s research indicates, most of us will feel the six universal emotions to some degree on a daily basis.

At our healthiest, we can acknowledge our emotions without judgment and let them inform our behaviors for the appropriate amount of time.  If this feels like a challenge for you, you may benefit from some skill building work related to mindfulness techniques and/or emotional regulation.  There are many great books and articles that can be found related to these ideas.  Two that I like in particular are:

Mindfullness: A Practical Guide by Tessa Watt

The High Conflict Couple by Alan Fruzzetti

You can find out more about Paul Ekman’s research here: http://www.beinghuman.org/mind/paul-ekman

All my best to you as you make your progress,

Matt

 

 

The First Question to Ask

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how to stop being addicted to sex

 

What brought you to this place? It may or may not be the first question that your therapist will ask you, but it is a revealing question that you might ask yourself. What brought you to the place of being ready to begin working on your sex addiction? What brought you to the place of being ready to schedule that appointment, whereas in the past something always held you back or got in the way? Was it getting caught, or was it totaling up the money you have spent on porn or prostitutes? Was it an ultimatum from your partner, or was it the fatigue you have felt from hours of acting out?  Was it the fear that this addiction would be your ultimate undoing, or was it the fear that you might lose your children’s respect? My goal is not to shame you, but to help you see that the answer to that question can be a helpful tool.

What brought you to this place? Whatever brought you here—to this critical moment in your life—can also be empowering and encouraging. When you are in a moment of weakness and you are not sure if you want to continue working on your recovery, remember what brought you here. Sobriety is not just about giving up something, but also about gaining something. The impetus that gave you the courage and determination to begin the journey can also propel you forward toward a better life.

What brought you to this place? Sex addiction is ultimately an intimacy disorder. Perhaps in your childhood, your caregivers were not so adept at being there for you, or even worse, were abusive. You did not connect with them in a healthy way, and now you struggle to form the attachments with others that you need. A fear of intimacy permeates your life. You use sexual activity or pornography as substitutes for healthy relationships. Your “drug of choice” becomes a brain-numbing replacement. As Robert Weiss, the sex addiction expert writes, “Sex addicts are looking for controllable sources of getting themselves fed emotionally.” Perhaps you struggle with engaging in the kind of transparency, risk, and vulnerability that lead to secure attachments in your relationships.

What brought you to this place? Whatever your answer to that question may be, let it be the springboard to putting every ounce of your determination into moving forward. Let it impel you to do whatever it takes to find a life that is nurturing, healthy, and whole.  You cannot do everything at once. Just take the first step. Give us a call. Any one of us at Bull City Psychotherapy would be honored to work with you as we examine that crucial question together.

If you would like to schedule an appointment with Tim, please call him at 919-533-7907. Or you can e-mail him at tim@bullcitypsychotherapy.com.

How Can We Feel Thankful if We Are Experiencing Ambiguous Grief?

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Thanksgiving Ambiguous Grief Disappointment Sophia Caudle Bull City Psychotherapy

 

 

Thanksgiving is a holiday where we are reminded to count our blessings and be thankful. However, for many of us it is a reminder of who we have lost and what we do not have. If we have lost a loved one who is still living, and we feel grief or sadness still, then we are possibly experiencing ambiguous grief. Ambiguous Grief is the feeling experienced when we lose a loved one who is still alive. This can be due to divorce, diagnosis, disclosure of traumatic information, or change of a relationship.

How can we feel thankful if someone we love is no longer in our lives, but still living, and we miss them terribly? How can we feel thankful if our loved one has a mind altering diagnosis, such as Dimentia or Alzheimer’s, and they are not the same person we used to love? How can we feel thankful if we recently discovered that our life partner has spent most of the retirement savings, in an investment that he/she never discussed with us? These are just a few examples of how ambiguous grief can present in our lives. And expanding upon the original definition, ambiguous grief also applies to the awareness of what we never had, yet we knew we needed, such as loving, healthy, or safe childhood.

Yes, it is very painful to experience loss, regardless of the cause. However, after a loved one passes, we do not hope they will return, because rationally we know that they will not, and with ambiguous grief, during the holidays especially, we might still hope that our living loved one might return to our former relationship.

How can we move through ambiguous grief and still feel thankful during this holiday season? First, it is so very critical to be mindful and stay in the present moment; meaning make efforts to keep your focus on this day, rather than the days of the past. This takes practice, but if you practice Mindfulness Meditation, your mind can learn the practice of staying in the present rather than looking backwards, or being preoccupied with preparing for the future. Staying in the present moment can help us appreciate what we DO have. Notice the small things that the present moment can offer you, such as, food to eat. How does each morsel and bite taste in your mouth? Next, notice and appreciate the people you are sharing your time with, whether they are family, friends, strangers, or a ‘chosen family’. Notice them for who they ARE. Appreciate them for their uniqueness, and most importantly, appreciate them for sharing their time with YOU. Try to appreciate your loved ones as they are, and try not to make assumptions about who you think they are based on your ambiguous grief. Finally, be thankful for YOURSELF. You are the most important person in your own life, and as such, you can be thankful for simply, being.  Try writing a gratitude list for what you notice and appreciate in your present moment awareness.

However, keeping your mind in the present also means acknowledging any ambiguous grief that you may be feeling, and allowing the feeling to be felt. This is so important, because ambiguous grief needs to be felt in order for us to move through it. Notice I said ambiguous grief needs to be felt, not obsessed about. There is a difference between feeling and thinking. A feeling is something that we can feel inside our bodies. If we start engaging the brain and think about what we are feeling, then that feeling can turn into anxiety, and then our thinking evolves into obsessing and ruminating. When this happens we are not staying in the present moment. It is important to find a safe way to feel your ambiguous grief. You can plan this in many ways, such as with a friend, with a sponsor, with a counselor, in a support group, or by writing in a journal, during meditation, or by creating a personal ritual that represents you moving through your ambiguous grief.

So, yes we can feel thankful even if we are feeling ambiguous grief. In short, we can do this by focusing on the present moment and noticing the small gifts we have, even while acknowledging the grief we may still feel.

Thanksgiving Ambiguous Grief Disappointment Sophia Caudle Bull City Psychotherapy

Traditional Acupuncture in Durham, NC

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Bull City Psychotherapy and Wellness welcomes Dr. Geng Wu, Doctor of Chinese Medicine to their Durham, NC office location in Croasdaile Office Park. Dr. Wu also uses traditional Chinese herbs to help people stay healthy and/or feel less symptoms of pain.

 

Below is a message from Dr. Wu about what Chinese Medicine is:

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is a practical medicine, that has been extracted from millions of experiences cultivated throughout some thousands of years of Chinese history. Only the practices that have been proven effective have been collected and organized.

Chinese thinking regards nature as the standard for judgment. Traditional Chinese Medicine  naturally has the same principle in its judgment and practice. Treatment methods such as herbs, acupuncture, and physical therapy, are prescribed to maintain the body’s state of health and increase its self-healing ability rather than treating diseases after they have already occurred. This kind of treatment is particularly effective in cases of chronic diseases. The purpose of TCM is to be preventive and continue optimal health, rather than letting people get sick and then treating symptoms.

Even if tests to determine diagnoses show negative results, according to TCM, having subjective symptoms and recognizable changes, in many cases, are signs of early stages of diseases. If no treatments are given until a patient’s test date arises, the disease will have progressed in the interim. In other words, TCM targets diseases in early stages to prevent chronic symptoms. Thus, as a Doctor of Chinese Medicine, my biggest concern is the prevention of patient suffering.

Dr. Geng Wu, with a Diploma of Oriental Medicine (NCCAOM), is licensed by the state to practice in North Carolina. M.D. (China). Dr. Wu graduated from Beijing University of the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the best six-year full-time TCM program in China. She practiced and taught as a chief doctor in the affiliated hospital of Beijing University of TCM. As a counselor and instructor, Dr. Wu practiced and taught TCM for nearly 16 years in Japan.  Providing treatment and relief for specialties such as,  pain management, sport injuries, GYN diseases, infertility, menopause symptoms and problems, weight loss, auto-immune and endocrine system disorders, stroke rehabilitation, hypertension, gastrointestinal disorders, low energy, fatigue, respiratory diseases, allergies, neurological and stress-related disorders, insomnia, addictions and skin problems

Dr. Wu published more than 50 professional articles. She is a member of China Association of
Acupuncture and Moxibustion, and a member of the Chinese Medical Association.

If you would like to schedule an appointment with Geng, please call her at Bull City Psychotherapy at 919-382-0288.Or you can e-mail her at geng@bullcitypsychotherapy.com

Dr. Geng Wu Bull City Psychotherapy Chinese Medicine