Monthly Archives: March 2026

Addiction Excitement

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What is addiction excitement? If you have ever been addicted to something or someone, and you are lucky enough to be in recovery, then you will know what I am referring to. For the rest of us, here is an explanation.

Addiction excitement is part of the feeling of what feels good while in our addiction. For most people, addiction excitement is very powerful, and it is not realized as unhealthy when our addiction is in its beginning stages. In those early stages, that excitement feels fun, happy, and like we finally belong. Addiction excitement can also feel like, or be associated with, LOVE. If this sense of love connected to addiction occurs,  it can be very difficult to tease out what is healthy and what is not.

Addiction excitement also becomes very fleeting and brief as the addiction grows, and the hard parts of being an active addict become more frequent and dominant. So, the addict is constantly chasing the addiction excitement, and the addiction excitement becomes harder and harder to ‘catch’, until ultimately at some point, impossible to feel again. This is part of one’s addiction cycle.

When people begin to consider addiction recovery, it feels very ‘boring’ to be in recovery. We hear this a lot! For the active addict, addiction excitement can become the only source of fun or connection, and to be without the addiction can seem like a terrible choice of doom and aloneness. 

For recovering addicts, we get to know the feeling of addiction excitement well, and it can become our ‘friend’ as it serves as a crucial signal, making us aware of something or someone who is unsafe to us. For instance, when we feel the sense of addiction excitement, then we can choose to do something different that keeps us sober and emotionally connected.

So, how do we know the difference between addiction excitement and regular excitement? This is a great question, and the answers can be different for everyone, however, it boils down to 

1) How we feel, 2) How others feel, and 3) Are we at peace with our behaviors and the outcomes?

If we feel happy or excited and we believe our actions will lead us to joy and connection, then it is likely we are in healthy excitement.

Conversely, If we are feeling lonely, or we are with emotionally unsafe people, then it is easier to follow addiction excitement in order to feel worthy…..this is a dangerous choice that can lead to addiction patterns, as well as unhealthy relationships.

Addiction excitement is oftentimes misunderstood as intimacy, or healthy sex, or love, and this is false. Healthy relationships can certainly have deep intimacy, hot sex, and passionate love, but we should feel safe, connected, and strong in ourselves and relationship, rather than hurt or sad, which often happens with addiction excitement. 

Again, this confusion of addiction excitement or not, typically occurs towards the beginning of a relationship, but sometimes in very unhealthy relationships, it can continue throughout and become part of the norm. In these situations, we need to seek professional help. Ideally, we want to be able to learn ourselves, so we can figure out what is healthy excitement and what is addiction excitement. 

So, I invite you to be curious about where your excitement is coming from, and how you can cultivate more healthy excitement into your life.

Modern Codependency

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modern codependency

Codependency is much more than simply about addiction. Codependency can not be reduced to ‘control’ or ‘enabling’ behaviors. There is also nothing wrong with being codependent, as we all learn codependent tendencies when we are very young, as a result of early emotional needs not being fully and consistently met by our Caregivers.

Modern Codependency© is the focus outside of ourselves on other people, places, or things, typically as a means to seek and receive validation or affirmation, when we do not know how to focus on ourselves and validate and affirm ourselves in a healthy and interdependent manner, (Caudle, 2022).

All of us experience some kind of early emotional needs not being fully met around care, comfort, safety, nurturing, and/or affection, and when this universal experience happens, it creates a survival response in us to try to get others to meet our needs. This is very normal, because when we are young, we must rely on others to meet our needs. The potential issue happens when we are not guided and taught how to meet our own needs healthily, and our survival skills also continue to grow, this can create issues for us in our relationships. This is when codependency can become a problem, because we abandon ourselves while we are focused outside of ourselves, seeking and expecting others to meet our needs. This is an attachment habit that is learned and reinforced over time. This habit can also be identified, unlearned, healed, and learned in a new and helpful manner.

There is no shame or stigma around codependency. This is a universal experience with varying thoughts, behaviors, and tendencies. The healing work of codependency is empowering and foundational to moving through our attachment wounding and fully showing up in our lives and relationships today. The growth of learning to meet our own needs, so we can be whole on our own, and at the same time be in relationship with others is a brave process that leads us into healthy interdependence in our relationships.