Do you view or have urges to view pornography featuring children or teens? Do you experience shame or isolation related to these urges or behaviors? Do you worry that you may be tempted to commit a sexual act against a child or teen? If you are considering seeking treatment, you may find yourself asking some of the following questions:

Why do I do this?

Traditionally, compulsion to consume pornographic images featuring children and teens, and pedophilia in general, has been viewed as a moral failing for which the only remedy is long-term incarceration and/or community ostracism. This approach assumes that the individual chooses to access the content and does not wish to stop. We now know that this perspective is not only inaccurate, but also dangerous in that it offers no hope for those who hope to avoid offending. Most convicted child pornography offenders report they WANTED to stop the behavior, but felt powerless against their compulsions. The pain associated with this powerlessness is immense and sometimes deadly. In fact, research shows that people who struggle with these unwanted urges die by suicide at significantly higher rates than the general population.

Newer research has identified a number of factors that increase the likelihood that an individual will develop a sexual attraction to children or a compulsion to view child pornography. These factors include experiencing sexual abuse as a child, neurological or developmental disorders, learning disabilities, poor problem-solving skills, and even biological conditions such as brain tumors. Some individuals become addicted to adult pornography and are gradually introduced to sexualized images of children. In these instances, child pornography is an escalation of pornography addiction, in part because of the taboo against it.

While we do not currently have a thorough understanding of why these compulsions develop, researchers are continually revealing information to assist mental health providers and sufferers with reducing risk of harm and improving quality of life. Regardless of the causes of one’s sexual attraction to children and teens, it is the responsibility of the individual to seek treatment in order to reduce risks to themselves and their community.  

Will treatment work? Am I doomed to commit and act of sexual violence against a child or teen?

There is a pervasive myth in American culture that pedophiles and consumers of child pornography do not benefit from treatment. Current research supports the notion that treatment can help sufferers reduce their unwanted behaviors and urges as well as improve their mental well-being.

Not everyone who is attracted to children becomes a sex offender. In fact, there are vast online and real-life communities of individuals who choose to tackle their sexual attraction to children through treatment and support structures, versus risk harming a child. To learn more about these communities and to read personal stories about recovery, visit https://www.virped.org/

Is it safe for me to talk to a therapist about this?

The fear of being judged or reported to the authorities keeps many sufferers from seeking the treatment they need. While laws vary from state to state, in North Carolina, psychotherapists are not mandated to report clients who disclose viewing of child pornography. In fact, our professional licenses require us to maintain the privacy and confidentiality of our clients, with the following exceptions:

• You report that you intend to do harm to yourself or someone else.
• You provide written and informed (meaning you know exactly what information will be disclosed, to whom, and for what purpose) to release information.

If you seek treatment outside of North Carolina, take the time to familiarize yourself with the legal statutes surrounding mandated reporting by mental health professionals. Alternatively, you can always contact a local provider directly to ask about mandated reporting requirements before disclosing any specific information.

What will treatment look like?

Treatment typically involves reducing risk factors including stress, social isolation, and substance abuse, as well as developing healthy outlets for intense emotions. You may spend time in treatment addressing traumatic experiences in your past or exploring unhelpful patterns in thoughts and behaviors. Your therapist may refer you to a medical provider to explore pharmacological interventions (drugs to reduce symptoms of PTSD, OCD, or other contributing conditions or to reduce intensity of sexual urges).

What do I do next?

If you live in or near the Durham NC area, Bull City Psychotherapy offers services for individuals who have not committed “hands-on” offenses against children but are seeking help to stop viewing child pornography.

At Bull City Psychotherapy, we specialize in the treatment of sexual disorders, including pedophilia (for non-offenders) and sex or pornography addiction. We understand that seeking treatment takes courage and we strive to provide our clients with the respectful and compassionate treatment they deserve.

To schedule an appointment with Lara, please call the office at (919) 382-0288 or her direct line at (919) 884-7836, or email at Lara@bullcitypsychotherapy.com.

Lara is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) specializing in working with clients who struggle with unwanted behaviors and compulsions, including pornography and/or sex addiction, pedophilia, and self-harm. Lara is also trained and experienced in trauma work. Lara’s approach is heavily influenced by her training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which teaches clients how to fully experience their emotions and manage behaviors through coping skills.

In the media these days, it seems like we hear more and more about people who suffer from sex and porn addiction. Anthony Weiner, David Duchovny, Tiger Woods, Ozzy Ozbourne, and the Ashley Madison leak, are just some the high profile names that have made it to our popular awareness and conversations. But, what about the rest of us who are not necessarily famous, but yet we too may have unhealthy, even dangerous sexual behaviors that occur regularly, and seriously effect our lives and those around us?

Patrick Carnes, the founder of much of our current knowledge of sex addiction defines it as, “any sexually related compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment.”

Types of Sex Addiction

Sex addiction can present in people’s lives in many and various ways. Sex addiction is the husband or wife who has had repeated and multiple affairs, even through he or she has been caught, has tried desperately to stop, but simply can not, knowing that the spouse will not continue to remain in the relationship if the behavior does not change. Sex addiction is also the person who pays for sex repeatedly, whether or not supposedly in a monogamous relationship with someone else, frequenting prostitutes is a compulsive behavior for many. Sex addiction can also be seen in people who have been sexually abused and/or traumatized, as they gravitate towards either working in the sex industry by erotic dancing, prostitution, participating in sex videos, online sex acts, or other forms of acting out behavior such as anonymous sex, swinging, group sex, or BDSM. This is not to say ALL people who participate in the aforementioned behaviors have been abused or traumatized, but speaking directly to prostitution, a 1997 research study found that people who are sexually abused as children are 27.7 times more likely than others work in the sex industry. Trauma repetition seems to be the common factor, as other variables such as SES were accounted for. In persons who do not work in the sex industry, but participate in other sexual behaviors such as high risk anonymous sex, group sex, or compulsive sex or masturbation, childhood trauma can also be a precursor to ‘choosing’ one’s sexual behaviors as an adult.

One of the most mainstream and common areas sex addiction presents in our world today is in the compulsive use of technology to view, participate in or find sex via the internet. Internet porn can be highly addictive, and over time, porn negatively effects the brain’s reward system functioning as well as negatively effect relationships. The consequences of internet porn effects all who use it with some regularity; kids, adolescents, men, women, etc. are all negatively effected if the brain becomes accustomed to the stimulation. Some porn images can also serve as trauma to the brain if viewed at a young age or if the porn image is too offensive, such as beastiality or child porn. Regular porn use often begins as a past time with friends or something that is used to ‘get people in the mood’.

Most people I see in my practice have no idea that porn use can cause the problems they end up dealing with, such as increased obsessive or compulsive thoughts and behaviors, disconnection from self and significant relationships, erectile dysfunction, difficulties achieving orgasm, low libido, or the continued escalation of images needed for sexual satisfaction leading into violent or illegal images. The web site, www.yourbrainonporn.com has a wealth of helpful information to explain the details of how porn effects the brain. Some surprising facts regarding internet porn are that in a 2010 study, sexual dysfunctions such as low libido and erectile dysfunctions in men under 40 have increased 1000 % since the onset of free streaming porn. These findings were discovered in meta-analyses with men from their teens to age 40. In 2014, a Max Plank study found that regular use of internet porn basically wears out the brain’s reward system, and more and more stimulation is needed to reach the same perceived reward.

Especially troubling is how porn effects adolescents. In an Italian study in 2015, 16% of teens who use porn once a week report having lower desire to connect with real-life partners and also have lower sexual desire, as compared to non porn users. 25% of regular adolescent porn users in the study also report abnormal sexual responses.

Viewing porn is not the only way technology has negatively effected healthy sexual development over the lifespan, but the internet also provides unhealthy options that can hijack the brain. For instance, sex apps are an easy means to connect with others, oftentimes strangers, to have a sexual liaison. Apps such as Tingle, Pure, or Tinder not only become a compulsive habit for attention, but also quickly become behaviors that remove emotions from sex entirely, by creating anonymous, one-time sex meetings. The use of sex apps can become just as compulsive as viewing porn on the internet. Over time, people find that they post on the apps or on Craigslist, etc., for sex partners, and then compulsively check to see if anyone has responded interest. Postings and anonymous sex meetings happen more frequently as time goes on, usually during times of high stress, anxiety, sadness, or depression, similar to any other process or physical addiction.

Participating in sex acts via the internet with strangers is another way some people become addicted to sexual behaviors. Online sex includes the people who perform sex acts as well as the persons who watch them. Both can ultimately be a form of addiction and/or trauma repetition or esteem validation. People who become addicted watching live sex can spend as much as no money or over $10.00 per minute depending on the live services and communication.

I have mentioned just a few of the most common ways we see sex addiction present today. Sex addiction and its presentation is such a rapidly evolving addiction, due to many factors, but the onset of the internet seems to be a primary factor in its frequency. Also, for some people it is difficult to determine what is healthy sexual experimentation and experience, and what behaviors are on the path to addiction without conscious awareness until damage is done.

Getting Help for Sex Addiction

It is imperative to see a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) if you have questions, concerns, or believe that you need help. If you have questions, please contact the qualified CSAT therapists at Bull City Psychotherapy at 919-382-0288.