Love is….

It’s Matt here – and this Valentine’s Day has got me thinking about love.

I recently heard the amazing actress Taraji P. Henson define love.  (Sidenote: It was in the context of her new movie “Best of Enemies” which is based on a true story of race and redemption here in Durham, NC in the late 60’s.  The movie comes out April 5th.)  She said, “love is the search for understanding”.  I heard that while driving alone in my car and out loud I said, “Wow!”.  It hit me hard, because it is the essence of what we talk about so much in our therapy rooms.

Love is searching to understand your person – not necessarily agreeing with them, or seeing things exactly the same way.  But to love them is to seek to understand them.  When we understand someone, we can accept them for who they truly are. Brene Brown says, “it’s hard to hate someone up close”.  I think this is a related idea.  When we feel understood, we feel loved.  It may sound simple, but it’s so so true.   And as I reflected, I realized this is true for all our relationships.

Think about it – with your partner, parent, child, friend, sibling, co-worker – would it feel like you were showing them love if you tried to sincerely understand them?  Would you feel loved if they sought to fully understand you?  So here’s an invitation:  in the course of your next conversation with someone you love, make an intentional effort to seek to understand them.  Not to fix them, or agree with them, or change them – just seek to understand them.  See if your bond deepens, and watch the love flow between you both.

Wishing you all a deeper sense of connection, understanding, and love on Valentines Day and beyond! – Matt