Wellness

Finding Your Inner Peaceful Place

Posted on by

Taking time for the positive                                                               

Early in the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) journey, there is therapeutic time given to building supportive grounding strategies as part of a selfcare toolbox. One of these resourcing tools may be reconnecting with or developing our own Safe Place (Shapiro 2018, pp. 117-119). This mindfulness practice uses positive imagery of a real or imagined calm and peaceful inner place. This place in your heart, mind, and maybe in your memory, holds a positive personal connection where all your senses are alive with peaceful joy. This safe place is a connection to your inner confidence while also being fully calm. With EMDR we reconnect to this place or other chosen resourcing strategies time and again, as needed. But why? At the immediate level, these and other grounding tools help us during and in between sessions when we’re feeling imbalanced or overwhelmed with what comes up. Starting and ending EMDR sessions in a place of strength and calmness grounds us in feelings of present safety and reminds us that we are our own best support system.

Utilizing this inner peaceful place through positive imagery may be intuitive for some, but for others developing a peaceful inner realm takes practice…and patience. How to step beyond the worries and misgivings and even the “I don’t have time for this” mode?

Practice. Practice allowing yourself time for the positive. Therapy does not take away negative events that have happened. Therapy offers the tools to process the negative and the skills to move into your future a more whole person (here we are connecting to the Old English and Germanic origin of the word heal as “to make whole”). So, this healing process goes beyond addressing wounds created. True healing includes the pieces of joy we pick up along the way. When wounds are deep, noticing the joys or being curious about a place of inner calm can be a struggle, thus we practice. Practice noticing the good outside and in. What makes you whole?  Take these pieces of the positive and stitch together this inner place, or emotion, or experience that, in turn, fills you with whole-hearted well-being. Not there yet? It’s okay. This is an on-going practice. You are not alone. This safe place is a room within your greater construction of self-compassion, practice returning to this “room” as needed. During your therapy sessions we are here with compassion so you may have the tools to build further. I say this with the Latin origin of the word compassion in mind; compati- to suffer with. This is an action and a practice. And we are here for it. Your clinician will compassionately hold this safe therapeutic place with you, as you ready yourself to carry this self-compassionate toolbox into your future.

sex addiction bull city psychotherapyBut, how long before this Safe Place exercise is no longer needed?

Patience. Be patient with yourself. Our go-go-go society does not naturally give space for slowing down and finding our inner calm. Slowing down may mean constructing imagery full of positive emotions and sensations or perhaps moving towards a full meditation practice. Whatever the mindfulness strategy you find working for you, move slowly into this space. Look around. What do you notice? What do each of your senses tell you about this place of inner peace? What you notice and are ready to walk towards will be different from how others will build their own Safe Place, just as the length of therapeutic journeys vary. Allow yourself to be curious when your patience is limited. Perhaps your Safe Place will morph and adapt as your healing journey evolves. Intertwining patience with this practice of connecting with your inner peaceful space may even grow into an unexpected yet treasured respite. I know my personal inner peaceful place has adapted, strengthened … and is still visited often.

Reconnecting to yourself takes time. You are building a relationship with yourself. Take time for the positive, build up your inner sanctum of peace. You are worth this time.

   – Aura LaBarre, MA, NCC, LCMHC

 

Digestion & Leaky Gut: Why compromised gut health is the foundation to almost every symptom and health issue

Posted on by

Digestion is truly the key to health. Eating real, whole foods and properly digesting it provides literally every raw material your body uses to perform every single function from walking to digestion to releasing hormones and firing neurons. None of those things can happen without a steady stream of properly digested vitamins, minerals, proteins, fats, and carbohydrates.

Our bodies have the incredible ability to take the food that we eat, and break it down into usable pieces that become cells. The root of this incredible process is digestion. However, you develop cells from the food you actually digest or more accurately what your bacteria digest. The idea that we put food into our mouth and it goes through the esophagus to your stomach does not mean that food actually gets into your cells. Ultimately, the goal is for all the food you eat to be properly digested into such small molecules that it can go through the cell and become energy, and create raw materials to make our essential compounds like insulin, serotonin, thyroxin, fatty acids, phospholipids, prostaglandins, etc.! If you have undigested food, the particles are too large and they cannot get into the protective one cell lining. These large particles will bounce off and become food debris or inflammation progressing to leaky gut.

The problem is that most of us have a breakdown in digestive health due to being formula fed, not receiving good colostrum and breast milk that give wonderful benefits to our lifelong immune system. Our Standard American Diet (SAD) is a double whammy. Eating sugar, processed carbohydrates and chemicals lead to autoimmune disease, acne, eczema, anxiety, depression, allergies, joint pain, fatigue, GERD, sleep disorders, and cavities. These symptoms are the progression of intestinal permeability (leaky gut)! If that is not enough, in comes the antibiotics we were all placed on for anything and everything as a child. There are many more layers of demise from chemicals and toxins in our lotions, potions, household products, pharmaceutical side effects, drinking contaminated water with glyphosate (round up), fluoride, chlorine and leached plastics from plastic contained foods and water.

There are three factors with almost any condition. A genetic predisposition, environmental triggers and intestinal permeability, also known as leaky gut. Your intestinal lining is your main defense layer between your blood circulation (seen as the inside of the body), and the outside of the body which is the tube from your mouth to your anus. This is where food, liquids, bacteria and toxins end up passing through your system and for the most part through the digestive tract. These things are put into our mouth and unavoidably we swallow fecal matter, toxins, fungus, parasites, bacteria and molds. They are concealed by the part of the intestine, “the tube”, called the lumen. The lining of the tube has a mucosal layer and below that layer is a one cell thick border, which is the ultimate and final separation between the outside world and the circulating blood inside the body.

So this healthy human intestine has the important role of acting as both a barrier and a filter through selectively closing and opening intestinal tight junctions depending on the need. When this process is working properly, it allows nutrients to be absorbed and blocks the absorption of toxins and pathogens. As discussed above, when this procedure is not healthy and that one cell gatekeeper becomes too permeable, problematic substances get absorbed. When these substances are non-specifically able to pass through that one cell thick lining into the blood system, it has significant symptoms which progress over time to conditions and disease. A leaky gut is the one which has lost the regulatory mechanisms that controls what is allowed to pass through those layers. Again, we eat and we need nutrients to pass through to absorb the vitamins, minerals, phenols, etc., and to receive the benefits from the food. We do not want the bacteria and viruses, environmental toxins ,etc., to cross over. When this occurs, the balance of inflammatory immune responses is disrupted, leading to chronic inflammation and poor immunity. This development of leaky gut may be asymptomatic, you may not have any gradual symptoms, even while it is creating a pathway for chronic conditions. Chronic conditions are just a continuation of leaky gut.

I think it is extremely important and helpful to understand the relationship between digestion and leaky gut. The more you recognize the connection to the signs that we call “symptoms”, compliance to an individual gut healing protocol will be more sustainable. I work with patients/clients to build a phase by phase roadmap from where it may have began. We can then start unraveling and reducing their symptoms and finding recovery and a way to thrive!

So then what goes wrong?

Inflammation
Infections (Candida, mold, SIBO)
Dysbiosis (a disruption in our microbiome)

Where do we start?

What has to be addressed first in any condition is the dysbiosis or imbalance in your microbiota. This means you have too many pathogens and not enough beneficial bacteria. Each individual has a different microbiome, so how do we know how to access this? It is a very tricky process! To have clarity and understanding that we are just the host and actually we are more microbial than human, is the most important and key concept. The connection to our gut and our microbiome is directly linked to optimal health. Our bodies are actually 10 x times the amount of microbes than human cells. It hosts 500 to 2000 species of microorganisms including, bacteria, yeast, parasites and viruses. This collective bacteria is known as the microbiome. The health of 100 trillion bugs in your gut or your microbiome is one of the things that most impacts your health. They supply us with about 3 ½ million bacterial genes in our system that we depend upon day to day for up to 90% of our metabolic function.

There are 2 major features that are present across the board when the gut is messed up and you have primary symptoms or conditions associated with the gut. One is the lack of diversity, another is not having the presence of certain key strains. Not all strains are created equal. There needs to be a richness and uniformity, a balance in place for vitality. Our goal together is to create that balance! This will protect you, the host, your immune system, and your gut lining. So the vast majority of conditions have this dysbiosis as its primary feature. Once you have that imbalance everything starts to fall apart.

This is why if you do not deal with the issue of leaky gut and dysbiosis upfront, you will be trying to throw supplements, medications and other things at symptoms while the underlying problem continues to perpetuate. This dysbiosis may be a main driver. A compromised gut means increased levels of toxins in the body, which fuel inflammation, contribute to disease, cause weight gain and promote premature aging.

The large research now shows that supporting intestinal health and restoring the integrity of the gut barrier are the most important goals of medicine. That’s because the digestive, immune, nervous, and endocrine systems all communicate and interact with one another through these bacteria. When your gut is not functioning properly, the activities of the other systems are compromised.

To get you started on the right path, one of the fundamental principles of nutrition is to avoid foods and other things that compromise and damage the lining of the gut as well as destroying the beneficial microflora. The list below helps pathogenic bacteria proliferate.

Your gut bacteria are very sensitive. You need to avoid as many of these things as are in your control:

  • Antibiotics
  • Sugar & Processed food
  • GMO Foods
  • Fluoride & Chlorinated water
  • Antibacterial soap
  • Chemicals
  • Medications
  • Pollution
  • Emotional Stress
  • Bacterial, fungal, viral gut pathogens and chronic infections
  • C-sections and lack of breast feeding

It is the layering of these above toxins that diminish healthy bacteria. Your total load for each day and stacking over time just increases the issue. Virtually all of us are exposed to a lot of these throughout our lives and some at least occasionally. It is extremely important to ensure your gut bacteria remain balanced and should be considered an ongoing process.

I believe that our digestive system holds the roots to our health. The breakdown of our barrier and filter process is at least in large part of what establishes the mixture of “symptoms” we label as weight gain, auto immune, IBS, Crohn’s, GERD, arthritis, ADHD, autism, Bipolar disorder, OCD, diabetes, chronic fatigue, PMS, endocrine disorders, and depression. They are rising yearly in large proportions. Even relatively minor ailments, such as constipation, diarrhea, lack of libido, aches and pains, and fatigue are directly linked to gut dysfunction. In most cases a lot of these symptoms and conditions overlap.

My job then as a nutritional therapist is to put the correct individualized and supportive diet in place. Also, to be a gut and microbiome detective and remove the clutter, food sensitivities, inflammation and bugs. I will then replace deficiencies for digestion, repair the gut and gut function, reinoculated the beneficial bacteria and reseed the gut.

I believe that listening to the patient or client is where you receive most of the information you are looking for. Having more energy and feeling your best takes creating an individual protocol in stages. We can then address the underlying dysfunction, gradually modifying as you have more information to move forward.

If you would like an appointment, please call the Bull City Psychotherapy office at 919-382-0288.  You can also call me at 919427-5946 or email me with questions at kimshack12@yahoo.com.

Best In health,

Kim Shackleford

Kim Shackleford Nutritionist with Bull City Psychotherapy

Digestion & Leaky Gut: Why compromised gut health is the foundation to almost every symptom and health issue.

Posted on by

digestion and leaky gut

 

Digestion is truly the key to health. Eating real, whole foods and properly digesting it provides literally every raw material your body uses to perform every single function from walking to digestion to releasing hormones and firing neurons. None of those things can happen without a steady stream of properly digested vitamins, minerals, proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. 

Our bodies have the incredible ability to take the food that we eat, and break it down into usable pieces that become cells. The root of this incredible process is digestion. However, you develop cells from the food you actually digest or more accurately what your bacteria digest. The idea that we put food into our mouth and it goes through the esophagus to your stomach does not mean that food actually gets into your cells. Ultimately, the goal is for all the food you eat to be properly digested into such small molecules that it can go through the cell and become energy, and create raw materials to make our essential compounds like insulin, serotonin, thyroxin, fatty acids, phospholipids, prostaglandins, etc.! If you have undigested food, the particles are too large and they cannot get into the protective one cell lining. These large particles will bounce off and become food debris or inflammation progressing to leaky gut. 

The problem is that most of us have a breakdown in digestive health due to being formula fed, not receiving good colostrum and breast milk that give wonderful benefits to our lifelong immune system. Our Standard American Diet (SAD) is a double whammy. Eating sugar, processed carbohydrates and chemicals lead to autoimmune disease, acne, eczema, anxiety, depression, allergies, joint pain, fatigue, GERD, sleep disorders, and cavities. These symptoms are the progression of intestinal permeability (leaky gut)! If that is not enough, in comes the antibiotics we were all placed on for anything and everything as a child. There are many more layers of demise from chemicals and toxins in our lotions, potions, household products, pharmaceutical side effects, drinking contaminated water with glyphosate (round up), fluoride, chlorine and leached plastics from plastic contained foods and water. 

There are three factors with almost any condition. A genetic predisposition, environmental triggers and intestinal permeability, also known as leaky gut. Your intestinal lining is your main defense layer between your blood circulation (seen as the inside of the body), and the outside of the body which is the tube from your mouth to your anus. This is where food, liquids, bacteria and toxins end up passing through your system and for the most part through the digestive tract. These things are put into our mouth and unavoidably we swallow fecal matter, toxins, fungus, parasites, bacteria and molds. They are concealed by the part of the intestine, “the tube”, called the lumen. The lining of the tube has a mucosal layer and below that layer is a one cell thick border, which is the ultimate and final separation between the outside world and the circulating blood inside the body. 

So this healthy human intestine has the important role of acting as both a barrier and a filter through selectively closing and opening intestinal tight junctions depending on the need. When this process is working properly, it allows nutrients to be absorbed and blocks the absorption of toxins and pathogens. As discussed above, when this procedure is not healthy and that one cell gatekeeper becomes too permeable, problematic substances get absorbed. When these substances are non-specifically able to pass through that one cell thick lining into the blood system, it has significant symptoms which progress over time to conditions and disease. A leaky gut is the one which has lost the regulatory mechanisms that controls what is allowed to pass through those layers. Again, we eat and we need nutrients to pass through to absorb the vitamins, minerals, phenols, etc., and to receive the benefits from the food. We do not want the bacteria and viruses, environmental toxins ,etc., to cross over. When this occurs, the balance of inflammatory immune responses is disrupted, leading to chronic inflammation and poor immunity. This development of leaky gut may be asymptomatic, you may not have any gradual symptoms, even while it is creating a pathway for chronic conditions. Chronic conditions are just a continuation of leaky gut. 

I think it is extremely important and helpful to understand the relationship between digestion and leaky gut. The more you recognize the connection to the signs that we call “symptoms”, compliance to an individual gut healing protocol will be more sustainable. I work with patients/clients to build a phase by phase roadmap from where it may have began. We can then start unraveling and reducing their symptoms and finding recovery and a way to thrive! 

So then what goes wrong?
Inflammation
Infections (Candida, mold, SIBO)
Dysbiosis (a disruption in our microbiome) 

Where do we start? 

What has to be addressed first in any condition is the dysbiosis or imbalance in your microbiota. This means you have too many pathogens and not enough beneficial bacteria. Each individual has a different microbiome, so how do we know how to access this? It is a very tricky process! To have clarity and understanding that we are just the host and actually we are more microbial than human, is the most important and key concept. The connection to our gut and our microbiome is directly linked to optimal health. Our bodies are actually 10 x times the amount of microbes than human cells. It hosts 500 to 2000 species of microorganisms including, bacteria, yeast, parasites and viruses. This collective bacteria is known as the microbiome. The health of 100 trillion bugs in your gut or your microbiome is one of the things that most impacts your health. They supply us with about 3 1⁄2 million bacterial genes in our system that we depend upon day to day for up to 90% of our metabolic function. 

There are 2 major features that are present across the board when the gut is messed up and you have primary symptoms or conditions associated with the gut. One is the lack of diversity, another is not having the presence of certain key strains. Not all strains are created equal. There needs to be a richness and uniformity, a balance in place for vitality. Our goal together is to create that balance! This will protect you, the host, your immune system, and your gut lining. So the vast majority of conditions have this dysbiosis as its primary feature. Once you have that imbalance everything starts to fall apart. 

This is why if you do not deal with the issue of leaky gut and dysbiosis upfront, you will be trying to throw supplements, medications and other things at symptoms while the underlying problem continues to perpetuate. This dysbiosis may be a main driver. A compromised gut means increased levels of toxins in the body, which fuel inflammation, contribute to disease, cause weight gain and promote premature aging. 

The large research now shows that supporting intestinal health and restoring the integrity of the gut barrier are the most important goals of medicine. That’s because the digestive, immune, nervous, and endocrine systems all communicate and interact with one another through these bacteria. When your gut is not functioning properly, the activities of the other systems are compromised. 

To get you started on the right path, one of the fundamental principles of nutrition is to avoid foods and other things that compromise and damage the lining of the gut as well as destroying the beneficial microflora. The list below helps pathogenic bacteria proliferate. 

Your gut bacteria are very sensitive. You need to avoid as many of these things as are in your control: 

❖ Antibiotics 

❖ Sugar & Processed food 

❖ GMO Foods 

❖ Fluoride & Chlorinated water 

❖ Antibacterial soap 

❖ Chemicals 

❖ Medications 

❖ Pollution 

❖ Emotional Stress 

❖ Bacterial, fungal, viral gut pathogens and chronic infections 

❖ C-sections and lack of breast feeding 

It is the layering of these above toxins that diminish healthy bacteria. Your total load for each day and stacking over time just increases the issue. Virtually all of us are exposed to a lot of these throughout our lives and some at least occasionally. It is extremely important to ensure your gut bacteria remain balanced and should be considered an ongoing process. 

I believe that our digestive system holds the roots to our health. The breakdown of our barrier and filter process is at least in large part of what establishes the mixture of “symptoms” we label as weight gain, auto immune, IBS, Crohn’s, GERD, arthritis, ADHD, autism, Bipolar disorder, OCD, diabetes, chronic fatigue, PMS, endocrine disorders, and depression. They are rising yearly in large proportions. Even relatively minor ailments, such as constipation, diarrhea, lack of libido, aches and pains, and fatigue are directly linked to gut dysfunction. In most cases a lot of these symptoms and conditions overlap. 

My job then as a nutritional therapist is to put the correct individualized and supportive diet in place. Also, to be a gut and microbiome detective and remove the clutter, food sensitivities, inflammation and bugs. I will then replace deficiencies for digestion, repair the gut and gut function, reinoculated the beneficial bacteria and reseed the gut. 

I believe that listening to the patient or client is where you receive most of the information you are looking for. Having more energy and feeling your best takes creating an individual protocol in stages. We can then address the underlying dysfunction, gradually modifying as you have more information to move forward. If you would like an appointment, please call the Bull City Psychotherapy office at 919-382-0288. You can also call me at 919- 427-5946 or email me with questions at kimshack12@yahoo.com. 

Best In health,
Kim Shackleford 

Kim Shackleford Nutrition, LLC / www.kimshackleford.com / 919.427.5946 / kimshack12@yahoo.com 

The Importance of Staying Connected During Physical Distancing of the Coronavirus

Posted on by

We all understand that we need to physically distance ourselves from others during this time, due to the Coronavirus. The physical distance between us will hopefully prevent mass exposure, but keeping our distance from one another can also leave us feeling isolated, alone, lonely, and depressed. This is why it is so important that we are conscious and purposeful about connecting with others, especially during this very stressful time.

Our brains are hard-wired to connect. We are social beings. So, let’s find creative ways to connect during this physical distancing. If you are at home with your family, there are lots of ways we can create connection. If you have kids of any age, playing board games, card games, or other game room activities, if you have them, like pool or ping-pong, are all great ways to spend time together. Video games are fine too, but face to face connection is best for connection, when possible.

Taking walks, bike rides, and hikes are also nice for connecting, getting some exercise, and having a change of scenery away from the inside of our homes. If you have a dog, maybe you can add an extra walk per day and walk with a friend and his/her dog. If you have cats, or other fur babies, get some extra hugs and playtime in with them, so you can feed your soul while giving your pets the love they need.

Other activities are making music together or listening to music, making videos, taking virtual tours, for example, to a zoo or art museum, and also playing in the yard. Speaking of yards, this is a great chance to get caught up on weeding the yard, tending to a garden, or better yet, building a home garden! More outdoor fun includes having picnics together and watching the sunsets.

This is also a perfect opportunity to introduce meditation to your kids by turning on your favorite meditation app and laying on the floor and either invite your kids or let them join in naturally, whichever happens first☺

Technology: Tech is our Friend! Now more than ever connect via your tech….cell phones, computer, gaming, anything that connects you to others is exactly what we need to do. Many people can only communicate and check on each other through technology right now, so call each other, text, email, schedule Facetime, schedule Zoom meetings, Facebook, Instagram, or any other meeting platform that works for you. Staying connected at work is very important as well. Not only do we want to continue to foster healthy relationships at work, but for many of us, work still needs to happen even if we don’t go into our office, and meetings can still take place via tech, so we can be productive if our job allows it.

Intimate Relationships:

In our intimate relationship there are several purposeful ways we can create connection. First, everything above is great for couples too. Adding to those, if date night at a restaurant is not possible, plan a night to cook dinner together or get take out and make the dinner experience special in some way, maybe by sitting in your fancy dining room or having a fun indoor/outdoor picnic. Nail salons and massage therapists are also likely to be closed right now, so giving each other foot massages and/or full body massages not only is great intimate connection, but also an effective way to reduce tension and stress.

Meditating and/or praying together is a very important connecting activity as well. Meeting with your partner in a place of spirituality will deepen your connection.

Eye gazing is also a way we can create connection. Eye gazing can create an ‘electric charge’ and help couples reconnect, when they have been disconnected for many years. Eye gazing also is an important component of Encounter Centered Couples Therapy (ECCT), a highly effective and connecting couples therapy. If you’d like to learn ECCT and begin your connecting journey, contact me at 919-382-0288 or Sophia@bullcitypsychotherapy.com
We can learn ECCT via teletherapy too.

Included is a slide of the 8 Types of Intimacy…..Sex is just one type! So, there are
many ways to know our partner and be intimate together. All of these can be accomplished while we are practicing physical distancing….as long as partners are physically healthy☺

8 types of intimacy, bull city psychotherapy

Reframing Goal Setting in Your 2020 Vision

Posted on by

Happy New Year Everyone! I believe that 2020 can be a successful year for us all! ‘How can she have such high aspirations?’ you might be asking yourself…..Well, it’s because I have a sure way that each of us can accomplish parts, if not, all of our entire goals for 2020.

The secret to goal achievement is in creating mini goals specifically directed at our long-term goals.

The way that I do this is to ‘dream’ where I want to take my life, then I back up and envision the ideal path that I need to take to get there. My dreams become a version of my goals and my visioning path become my mini goals.

This has been such an effective plan for me that regardless of the overall outcome, if I am achieving some of my mini goals, positive movement forward is still happening. So, even if I don’t ever achieve my final dream goal, I am making significant headway in my life’s overall dream direction, and I am still making positive changes, moving forward, feeling accomplished and gaining confidence, etc. Also, if I do attain my dream goal, then it’s a win-win, because not only am I fulfilling a dream, I have also made several improvements along the way that will likely effect me positively in several areas of my life.

Let’s look at a simple example. One of my goals this year is to shave off 4-5 points from my golf handicap. This is all fine and good,however it is doomed for an epic fail, if I do not clearly define the path I need to follow in order to reduce my handicap.

So, my next step is to create a path, or mini goals, to my long-term goal. In this case, I decide that if I put a golf club in my hands at least twice a week, then that will help me achieve my goal. So, putting a golf club in my hand twice a week is now my focus. I can either go to the driving range, practice chipping in my back yard, or putt inside my house. This little mini goal is probably something I can fit into my schedule. My hope is that this mini goal will transfer into my long-term goal several months from now, and my handicap will decline.

And, another way I make this work for me is that practicing golf is also being added to my Focused Self-Care Plan. What is a Focused Self-Care Plan? A FSCP is a plan that includes everything I need to do in order to show up in this life as My Best Self. The way I create a FSCP is to have the non-negotiables at the beginning of the plan, then towards the end I add things like hobbies or activities that help me feel contented in my ‘inner child’ self, which helps me feel happy in my adult ‘real’ life. So, for my golf goal, I can actually add golf at the end of my self care plan as a hobby that helps me stay centered in the overall balance of my life.

Here’s to a healthy, safe, and focused 2020!

Breathe, baby, breathe

Posted on by

breathing bull city psychotherapy

A daily breathing practice is proven to be good for your mind and body.
Navy SEALS, Buddhist monks, and titans of all industries do it – you should too.
It will improve your focus, discipline, mood, stress level, coping skills, relationships,
and basically your whole life in less than 5 minutes per day! (seriously).
Read on for the 4 reasons you should have a daily breathing practice and 4 tips to
get you started.

Breathe. No really, take 5 seconds and take a deep full breath in and out. Now take
another one. Just take one more even bigger one. Congratulations. You have just
started your daily breathing practice!

I know, I know – you’re thinking, “but Matt, honestly, I’m an excellent breather. I do
it all the time, and I’m really quite good at it.”

I agree, you do it all the time, but the odds are, you’re terrible at it right now. But
don’t worry, you’ll be great soon. It will feel weird for a couple days, but it will be so
worth it. Stay with me.

The benefits of a daily breathing practice are well documented. Yes, of course, we
all breathe all the time. It’s a requirement for all carbon-based lifeforms. However,
a daily breathing PRACTICE is different from the second to second maintenance
performed by our autonomic nervous system.

The benefits:

A wide variety of studies have shown that a daily breathing practice will improve
your focus, discipline, mood, stress level, coping skills, relationships, and basically
your whole life. Here are some articles that document the benefits of controlled
breathing. They document how a daily controlled breathing practice will improve
your life and describe how these practices are implemented by Navy SEALS,
Buddhist monks, and titans of all industries. If it’s good for them, it’s good for us.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/11/09/well/mind/breathe-exhale-repeat-the-
benefits-of-controlled-breathing.html?_r=3&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2F

http://examinedexistence.com/the-navy-seal-breathing-technique-to-calm-down/
Homepage

Here are the highlights:

First – taking some control over your heart rate is excellent for your physical and
psychological health. Physically it improves the function of the parasympathetic
branch of the nervous system, which can slow heart rate and digestion and promote
feelings of calm as well as the sympathetic system, which controls the release of
stress hormones like cortisol.

Second – there are immediate benefits: controlled breathing can get you through
tough times. Yes, it will help you in times of crisis, like when you’re in a fender
bender on the highway. It will also help you when you’re being challenged in a
situation at home or at work. The sense of calm it gives you in these moments
enables you to think more clearly, more critically, and leads you to much better
outcomes in each given situation.

Third – there are delayed benefits: most practitioners report delayed benefits
throughout the day and in the days following their practice that include decreased
stress, increased capacity to handle stress, improved coping skills, improved peace
of mind. Who doesn’t need this?!

Fourth – It’s so accessible. Anyone can do this! This practice is so good for you it
feels like it should be expensive, time consuming, and difficult, but it’s actually none
of these things. It’s just new to most of us. A daily breathing practice can take less
than five minutes to reap major benefits. This is meditation for people who can’t
meditate.

DO YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES EACH DAY TO DEDICATE TO YOUR MENTAL AND
PHYSICAL HEALTH?
If the answer is “YES”, then keep reading for tips on continuing your daily practice.
Remember, you already started in the first paragraph of this post.
Essential elements of a daily breathing practice:
It must be regular – you must find a way to do this most days of a given week.
It must be focused – you should not be doing this while you’re doing something else.
That’s it.

Tips to get the most out of your daily breathing practice:
Find a comfortable place to do this. Your bed, shower, and toilet are all great places
to do some daily focused breathing. As long as you can get there regularly and be
focused – with no distractions – the location will be great.

Have a pre-routine. Do something like an environment check and a body check
before you start. This can take thirty seconds or less. Ask yourself – am I safe here?
Am I unlikely to get interrupted here? Am I comfortable here? Are my (shoulders,
neck, tongue, hands, feet, etc.) tensed or stressed?

Set a goal, like 15 breaths to start. Begin taking deep comfortable breaths and try to
focus only on your breath coming in and out of your body.

Other thoughts will enter your mind. That is ok. Notice them. DO NOT JUDGE
THEM. Then let them leave your mind. Get back to counting your breaths.
Once you get to 15 breaths, take 1 more and think about how great you are for
taking two minutes for yourself. You just improved your life. Go you!
As this gets easier, try increasing the number of breaths or the time you are
spending breathing deeply while being aware of your thoughts and NOT JUDGING
THEM.

Try this daily for two weeks. If you’re not impressed with the results then let me
know. I maintain a daily breathing practice and it keeps me in great shape to
receive your constructive feedback.

Here’s a link to some more mindfulness exercise options if breathing is getting
boring for you: http://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-mindfulness-exercises-you-
can-try-today/

You’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain. If you’re ever in trouble, remember the
3 B’s of good health – breathe, baby, breathe!

 Who’s in charge: You or your feelings?

Posted on by

universal emotions, bull city psychotherapy

Quick Hits:
– There are 6 basic emotions that are consistent across all intersections of humanity.
– We are likely to feel all of them, to some degree, each day.
– For optimum wellness, think of emotions as data rather than states of being.
– Let your emotions stay with you for a healthy amount of time.

Did you know there are six universal emotions?  This idea is related to the research of Paul Ekman who studied humans across diverse demographic intersections and determined that there are six emotions that we all feel and express in the same ways.  They are:

  1. Joy (Sometimes referred to as ‘Happiness’) – symbolized by raising of the mouth corners (an obvious smile) and tightening of the eyelids
  2. Surprise – symbolized by eyebrows arching, eyes opening wide and exposing more white, with the jaw dropping slightly
  3. Sadness – symbolized by lowering of the mouth corners, the eyebrows descending to the inner corners and the eyelids drooping
  4. Anger – symbolized by eyebrows lowering, lips pressing firmly and eyes bulging
  5. Disgust – symbolized by the upper lip raising, nose bridge wrinkling and cheeks raising
  6. Fear – symbolized by the upper eyelids raising, eyes opening and the lips stretching horizontally

https://www.kairos.com/blog/the-universally-recognized-facial-expressions-of-emotion

I have found this research to be helpful as it has informed the way I think about emotions.  If there are six universal emotions that, as a human being, I’m going to feel to some degree each day, then I can be intentional about how I let them in and out of my life.  Here’s what I mean…

Too often we let our emotions dictate our behaviors without a second thought.  We talk about them and treat them as states of being, saying something like, “I’m angry”.  My experience is that it is more useful to us to view emotions as data, rather than states of being.

By doing this, “I’m angry” becomes “I’m feeling anger.”  With this data, we can notice emotions, process the information they are giving us, and make a choice about how they inform our behavior, rather than giving emotions the power to influence our behavior without consideration and/or for an unhealthy amount of time.

Here’s an example: I’m feeling angry with my partner for not helping with the kids/housework last night.  If I recognize this anger as data, I give myself a good chance of effectively problem-solving in this situation.  I would likely be able to have a conversation with my partner about how I was feeling, why I was feeling that way, and what we could do to avoid that in the future.

If I treat that anger as a state of being, rather than data, I might let it in my life for an unhealthy amount of time.  If I hang on to that anger for too long I could ruin hours or days of my life resenting my partner without taking any productive action to improve the situation.  If I ignore the data, or disallow it in my life for the right amount of time, my resentment will likely build and I am less likely to protect my needs and healthy boundaries in this relationship.  But, if I let it inform me to a healthy extent, I can advocate for my needs without damaging the relationship or my feelings about them for myself.

Basically I’m suggesting that our emotions come into and out of our lives for the purpose of informing us.  We should be mindful about letting them in our lives for the appropriate amount of time, and then letting them leave.  We should not let them stay for too little or too long of a time.

More severe events in our lives, like a loss of life, break-up, or trauma naturally have longer stays in our lives.  The data they provide take a longer time to process and inform our behaviors.  But, as Ekman’s research indicates, most of us will feel the six universal emotions to some degree on a daily basis.

At our healthiest, we can acknowledge our emotions without judgment and let them inform our behaviors for the appropriate amount of time.  If this feels like a challenge for you, you may benefit from some skill building work related to mindfulness techniques and/or emotional regulation.  There are many great books and articles that can be found related to these ideas.  Two that I like in particular are:

Mindfullness: A Practical Guide by Tessa Watt

The High Conflict Couple by Alan Fruzzetti

You can find out more about Paul Ekman’s research here: http://www.beinghuman.org/mind/paul-ekman

All my best to you as you make your progress,

Matt

 

 

Meet Our Newest Associate, Caroline Gobble

Posted on by

Caroline Gobble Director of Marketing

Meet our new therapist, Caroline Gobble. She has served as our marketing director for the past year and is now an associate at BCP. Caroline is a psychotherapist dedicated to helping individuals, couples, adolescents, and families move beyond the challenges and pain of past experiences in order to live a productive and hope-filled life.  Through individual and group counseling, she strives to create a safe and affirming environment for clients to explore their authentic selves, and she seeks to provide each client with his/her own individual treatment, utilizing evidenced-based interventions. Her areas of interest are assisting clients with eating disorders, depression/anxiety, substance abuse, addiction, relationship issues, trauma, grief/loss, problem-solving skills, social skills training, among many others.

Caroline is a graduate of North Carolina Central University’s Counselor Education Program. She has dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and School Counseling. Caroline is a National Board Certified Counselor (NBCC),  a Licensed Professional Counselor-Associate (LPC-A), and a North Carolina Licensed Professional School Counselor. She is also pursuing her Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist (LCAS) credential. Caroline earned her Bachelor’s degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Caroline’s training in eating disorders began when she was an intern at UNC’s Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders (CEED), where she worked on the inpatient eating disorders unit at UNC Hospital. She conducted individual counseling and facilitated various groups including CBT, DBT, and a media awareness/body image group. Her clinical training is in cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, solution focused therapy, motivational interviewing, and Maudsley family therapy. Currently, she is a PRN therapist at Carolina House, a residential eating disorders treatment center in Durham, NC, where she leads a weekly addictions education group, among other groups and individual/family therapy.

Caroline  is a member of the North Carolina Board of Licensed Professional Counselors, American Counseling Association, North Carolina Counseling Association, International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals, North Carolina Chapter of International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals, North Carolina School Counselor Association, American School Counselor Association, and Chi Sigma Iota Counseling Honor Society. She currently serves as the President of Nu Chi Chi, NCCU’s chapter of CSI.

Additionally at Bull City Psychotherapy, Caroline helps maintain the website, manages social media accounts, contributes to articles and blog posts, creates a quarterly newsletter, among other tasks. To schedule an appointment with Caroline, call 919-382-0288-or email caroline@bullcitypsychotherapy

Are you in good shape? How physical fitness and psychological fitness interact.

Posted on by

mental health bull city psychotherapy

 

 

Quick hits:

  • Our physical health and psychological health are linked
  • They respond similarly to our efforts to improve them
  • Consistency and accountability are required for progress
  • Professional advice saves you lots of trouble

Disclaimer: these comparisons are consistent for many folks based upon my personal and professional experience.  There are outliers for whom these ideas do not ring true. You should consult a licensed professional before beginning any training plan – physical, psychological, or otherwise.

One of the consistent metaphors I use in sessions is relating our psychological goals to our physical goals.  Many people starting psychological training (therapy/counseling) are not sure what to expect, but they have experienced some form of physical training.  Whether it was a community softball league, professional sports, or just working out at the gym, most folks can relate to setting and pursuing physical goals.  

There are many similarities between making physical progress and making psychological progress.  This post is intended to highlight these similarities in order to find a new ways to connect you to your psychological goals so you may feel more comfortable starting, continuing, and getting the most out of your training time.

Consistency is key:

You probably know the cliché, “you get out what you put in”.  Like most clichés, this one is rooted in truth for many situations.  If you spend one hour/week or four hours/month in the gym you may feel a little better, but you’re not likely to make much physical progress.  The same is true for your psychological health.

This means that if you spend one hour/week in session with your psychotherapist and do not put any more effort into your psychological growth, then you are not likely to see much progress.  You may have specific assignments between sessions. Or you may just take what you learn in session and reflect on it or practice it throughout your week. Whatever you do, it must be consistent in order for anything to change.  You don’t lose weight staring at the treadmill, and you don’t improve your psychological health by staring at your therapist.

Along these lines, our skills and muscles atrophy if we don’t use them.  If you have a great experience at the gym working regularly with your trainer for a few months you may feel great and make great progress!  But, if you stop going, you will lose that progress. The same works for much of our psychological work. If you work diligently to develop skills around cultivating healthy relationships and taking good care of your psychological wellness you will feel great!  But if you stop practicing these skills you will fall into your old patterns that may not serve you as well. This doesn’t mean you need to be in therapy forever, just as you don’t need a physical trainer forever. However, you will need to practice your healthy habits in either part of your life in order to maintain the benefits.  

 

Problem Areas Suck:

Whether it’s stubborn love handles or a stubborn love of booze, if we don’t address our problem areas they will not improve.  Getting physically fit is not a mystical process. We need to burn more calories than we take in to lose weight. We need to bend our muscles to stretch and strengthen them.  Getting psychologically fit is not magical either. We need to change our ways of thinking in order to change our behaviors. We need to change the ways we relate to others in order to change our relationships.  If you don’t lift weights you are not likely to get any stronger. If you don’t talk about your issues, they are not likely to improve.

Along these lines, while the work may be hard, it doesn’t have to make you miserable.  If you’re working with a physical trainer and you hate running, a good physical trainer will help you find ways to meet your goals that don’t involve running.  Similarly, a good psychotherapist will help facilitate your psychological progress with tools and strategies that don’t make you miserable.

 

Accountability:  

The greatest physical trainer in the world can’t burn the calories for you.  A good trainer can help you feel motivated and make the work more fun, but ultimately, you’re the one going to the gym and sweating.  

Similarly, the best psychotherapist in the world can’t talk you into a healthier life.  You will have to do the work – which will likely include showing up regularly, making an effort in between sessions, and being honest with yourself and your therapist.  

The good news here is that the process doesn’t have to last forever.  If you are new to working out for physical fitness a trainer can help you learn the basics and accomplish your first set of goals a matter of weeks or months.  Once you have a solid grasp on the fundamentals you may not need to continue working with them until you have new goals in mind.

This concept applies directly to your psychological goals and training as well.  Most folks are able to learn some fundamental skills and realize satisfying results in around ten weeks.  After that, they may choose to stay in therapy and work on new goals, or they may not. Either way, while our health is a lifelong process, working with a professional doesn’t need to be.  

One benefits the other:

With all of these similarities between working on our physical and psychological health, it’s no wonder that these two parts of our lives impact each other.  Simply put: working on your physical fitness will have a great impact on your psychological health, and working on your psychological health will have a great impact on your physical health.  

When you are more psychologically well you will be in touch with your true motivations that help you eat healthier and get you to the gym.  Being psychologically well makes you a better athlete. When you are physically well you feel better psychologically, are more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and are more willing to honestly explore them.  This synergy is a beautiful thing!

 

Work with a professional that works for you:

You will benefit from working with a licensed professional.  When it comes down to it, we can only get so far working on our own.  However, working with a physical trainer is a personal thing. You need to feel comfortable looking vulnerable and sharing your strengths and weaknesses with them.  This is hard! As human beings we click better with some folks than others.

The same thing is true for your psychological training.  It is vulnerable, challenging work, and you must feel comfortable with your therapist in order to make progress.  You are putting in effort and deserve to see results! Do not settle for a trainer or therapist that is not a good fit for you.  

 

The “Musts” of Psychological and Physical Progress:

  1. Consistency – you get out what you put in
  2. Accountability – if you don’t work on it, it will not change
  3. Professional Input – you can teach yourself a new skill, but a professional will save you lots of time and frustration

In summary, if you have goals around feeling better and improving your overall wellness, I encourage you to pay attention to both your mind and your body.  They may be more similar than you realize and working on one will certainly help the other. Use these three tips and you will be thrilled by how quickly and effectively your situation improves.  

All the best as you make your progress,

Matt

 

Daring Greatly

Posted on by

The book “Daring Greatly:  How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” is based on Dr. Brene Brown’s research.  Unfortunately for us, that research lead her to understand the importance of shame – and now we have to talk about it.

Ugh!  That sounds awful, right?  Shame is terrible, and uncomfortable and deserves to sit right where most of us put it – in the dark, neglected, ignored-as-much-as-possible places in our head and hearts.

Dr. Brown, or Brené  (as most of us super-fans call her), writes the following:  “I start every talk, article, and chapter on shame with the Same 1-2-3s, or the first three things that you need to know about shame, so you’ll keep listening:

1.) We all have it.  Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience.  The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.  Here’s your choice:  Fess up to experiencing shame or admit that you’re a sociopath.  Quick note:  This is the only time that shame seems like a good option.
2.) We’re all afraid to talk about shame.
3.) The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.”

I want to focus on that third part, “The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.”  Sit with that for a minute.  Take a few breaths while your brain holds that idea.  Think about how much power and control shame has over your life.

It is critically important to your health and growth to build your ability to acknowledge your shame.  Shame doesn’t just exist when we don’t talk about it – it grows.  It thrives in the dark.  It loves when you ignore it and act out of the fear and insecurity that shame generates.

The good news is, according to Brene’s research, and my own lived experience, shame has an antidote.  Shame shrivels and dies when we face it, name it, shine a light on it, and share it with people who are safe for us.  Shame can’t survive in the light.  And when it dies, we feel better, our behaviors change for the good, and our relationships deepen.

Shining a light on shame requires vulnerability.  I strongly recommend you read or listen to the book “Daring Greatly” to learn techniques for practicing vulnerability and facing your shame.  You can do this!  We can do this!

The journey of facing our shame is scary for all of us.  But we don’t have to do it alone.  And the healing that comes as a result of daring greatly, is too good to miss.  Go get yours!