How to get the most out of your experiences (and life).
Quick hits
- The anticipation can be almost as great as the thing itself
- You are missing out on joy and pleasure if you do not appreciate and reflect on things
- We become wired to overlook the positives in our lives. Fight this.
- Here are 3 things you should do to enjoy your life more today.
Here’s the thing – we’re wasting so much pleasure. Most of us grind through our weeks and find a couple of highlights to enjoy. Some quality time with someone we love, a cheat meal, etc. Whatever those moments of happiness are, we usually confine them to the moments themselves – and this, dear reader, is the heartbreaking part: we’re leaving 60% of our pleasure on the table.
For the sake of this conversation let’s agree on the following math: 30% of our pleasure comes from anticipation, 40% comes from the event itself, and 30% of our pleasure comes from reflection, otherwise known as the back 30.
Anticipation
Before I focus on the main point of this post (the back 30) I want to focus on anticipation. There have been many studies that indicate anticipation can be almost as pleasurable as the thing itself. I like this article for describing the phenomenon.
The main idea here is that if you intentionally look forward to something, for example a vacation, you can deepen the richness of the experience by reading up on the location, watching movies that feature the location, making a playlist to go with the trip, planning your outfits, planning your meals, etc. Looking forward to the trip can be almost as fun as experiencing it all.
The back 30%: Active Reflection
So, you spent all this time training for your 5k. You researched a training plan, bought some running gear, picked a race, trained like crazy, and crushed it! What an experience! The training was liberating. You did things you weren’t sure you could do. You pushed through pain. The energy on race day was unlike anything you’ve been a part of before. The pride immediately after was special.
Then what? Did you let the experience die there? Did you immediately start planning the next one? If so, you left 30% of your joy on the table.
You accomplished something wonderful! Take a little bit of time to acknowledge that! Think about a way that’s meaningful to you and soak up that back 30! Maybe it’s a great steak dinner with dessert. Maybe it’s a framed case for your certificate and medal. Maybe it’s a thank you note to your partner for watching the kids all those hours you were out slogging through training runs. Whatever it is –this reflective activity will deepen the richness of your experience and help you tap in to that back 30% of joy to be had.
Here are some more ideas and suggestions:
A Shutterfly/memory book to finally organize those pictures from that great vacation
A thank you note to a friend/family member/parent who helped you with that favor – tell them what it really meant to you and what it allowed you to accomplish.
A new portfolio, brief case, or outfit in honor of that new job you got last year.
If you’re not sure where to start, make an “Accomplishments in the Last Year” list. Our weekly routines wire us to forget all the great things we’ve done so we can move on to whatever is next on the list. Take a break. Take a breath. Intentionally reflect on how great you are and how much pleasure you are forbidding yourself to experience by moving on so quickly.
This week
Pick 1 thing from your past and brainstorm how to tap into the back 30% of joy you left sitting on the table.
Pick 1 thing you did today that you did not fully relish. What can you do right now to get the most out of that experience?
Pick 1 thing you’ll do this week. What is something you will intentionally do to make sure you don’t waste the back 30?
Take stock of how rich these experiences become and how your pleasure deepens as you tap in to this reflective gratitude. I’m going to go reward myself for writing such a phenomenal blog post.
All the best as you make your progress,
Matt
