We all have an inner critic. A voice in the back of our head that points out when we’ve done something wrong, judging us both for good and for ill. For people with low self-esteem, that inner critic tends to be very active, a constant voice in your head demeaning every action, every potential step out of line, every word we speak or think. 

But what if we didn’t take its words too seriously?

The idea of this exercise came to me when I saw one of those dog shaming memes on social media. You know the ones: “I like to steal my mom’s shoes,” or, “It’s been 0 days since I harassed the cat.” The website dogshaming.com has a wide variety of examples.

It was a “lightbulb moment” for me – what if I could do the same thing to my inner critic? 

The Exercise:
Step 1: Visualize Your Inner Critic

Recall that nasty little voice in the back of your head that tells you you’re worthless. In your mind’s eye, picture what it looks like. You may have a very detailed idea of your inner critic’s appearance, or just a vague idea of its shape and color. Now, if you like, draw it out. Don’t worry about making it perfect (that’s your inner critic talking).

Here’s mine: a shadowy, many-eye, humanoid creature with its mouth stitched shut.

Kind of scary, right?

But not for long.

Step 2: Create Your Inner Critic

Now it’s time to create a physical representation of your critic. 

I chose to sew mine, but feel free to create yours out of any medium you see fit: clay, wire, cardboard, yarn, pre-existing stuffed animals or action figures… What matters is that it feels similar to the image of your inner critic that you have in your head.

Step 3: Shame Signs

Here’s the fun part! It’s time to create some signs shaming your inner critic for the mean things it says. What are some of the common things it tells you? This is an exercise in cognitive reframing and refocusing: telling your critic that the things it is saying are cruel and untrue.

Some format ideas include:

“I tell my host/parent/etc. that…”

“I make my host/parent/etc. feel [blank] for no reason.”

“It’s been 0 days since…”

Feel free to check out some pet-shaming memes for ideas (and laughs).

Step 4: Display Your Critic

And you’re done! 

Time to combine the pieces together and display your shamed critic in a place you can easily see. When you notice demeaning, self-critical thoughts coming up, give your critic a shame sign to display. By doing this, you are externalizing the thought and recognizing that it is untrue. Over time, this should make the thought easier to manage and dismiss.

When new self-critical thoughts come up, make a new sign for the critic. You may begin to notice patterns emerge.

Step 5: Therapy

Noticing and externalizing your inner critic probably won’t be enough to cure your self-esteem issues on its own, but it’s a great step in the right direction. Another great step is to find a therapist to help you explore where your inner critic gets its ammunition. Or, in other words, where these thoughts and beliefs come from.

You have value. You’re not worthless. You are enough. 

And you deserve to feel better.